Usanga abantu babana hari igihe kigera ubusabane bukagabanyuka cyangwa se bukagenda nabi, aho wanamara icyumweru nta na mwaramutse uhaye uwo mubana (uwo mubana ntibivuze buri gihe uwo mwashyingiranywe, ashobora no kuba mugenzi wawe mwigana, mukorana se, umubyeyi, umwana, ).
Kenshi iyo bibaye usanga buri umwe ategereza ko undi afata iya mbere mu gucyemura cya kibazo nyamara hari inama uramutse ukurikije zafasha mwembi kuba mwazahura ubusabane bwanyu bukongera kugenda neza.
Akenshi kubana bisaba ko wubaha mugenzi wawe, ukubaha ibyifuzo n'ibitekerezo bye. Niba mutari kumvikana ku kintu runaka, umuti si ukwivumbura cyangwa kumwereka ko ibye nta gaciro bifite. Mutege amatwi, kandi umubwire uko ubyumva bitarimo guhangana cyangwa gusuzugurana.
Niba ingingo ya mbere yanze, amakimbirane akavuka ni byiza gufata iya mbere mu gukemura ya makimbirane mwagiranye mutarindiriye kwitabaza ubundi bufasha buturutse hanze (abayobozi, imiryango cyangwa inshuti).
Nta zibana zidakomanya amahembe niko umugani uvuga ariko nanone gukomanya amahembe ntibivuze kuyakurana. Shaka icyakongera kugarura ubumwe hagati yanyu. Niba ubona ko ari wowe amakosa yakomotseho, ca bugufi usabe imbabazi. Niba ari wowe wakosherejwe, garagaza kubabarira kandi ubikuye ku mutima. Ahari urukundo nta kosa ritababarirwa kandi inseko nziza izira imbereka, gusangira icyo kunywa cyangwa kurya mukunda, guhoberana, gutembera ni bumwe mu buryo bwo gukomeza umubano wari wajemo agatotsi no kugaragaza ko imbabazi zitavuye ku munwa ahubwo zavuye ku mutima.
Abagore bamwe ngo iyo abagabo babo bakosheje babahimisha kudahindukira (wasanga hari n'abagabo babikora). Iki niba wajyaga ugikora ushatse wagicikaho burundu kuko icyumba cy'abashakanye ni icyo kunezererwamo si gereza kandi si n'urukiko aho umwe ashinja undi yishinjura. Niba mwarakaranyije, mbere yo kujya mu cyumba mubanze muganire mucoce ikibazo mwinjire mu buriri mwera ku mutima. Ibi bizongera ubusabane kandi bizatuma ijoro rigenda neza n'inshingano z'abashakanye zubahirizwe neza.
Kubana n'umuntu bisaba kwigengesera, kumumenya no kumwakira uko ari kuko ntiwabona uwo muhuza byose niyo mwaba muri impanga.
Imenyereze kumwakira no kumenya aho acika intege, ibyo mudahuza wimenyereze kubyakira kandi aho mutumvikana habemo guharirana. Niba ikibazo kitumvikanyweho si ngombwa kukireka uko ahubwo umwe muri mwe ashobora kwemerera undi bikaba uko abishaka. Ibi bituma hatabaho intonganya n'amahane.
Iki kiragoye gusa kirashoboka. Ntiduhuza imyumvire bitewe na byinshi. Amateka, uko uteye, aho uvuka, amashuri wize, ni bimwe mu bituma nshobora kumva ikintu uko utacyumva. Kuba utumva ibintu kimwe n'undi ntibikwiye kwica umubano wanyu ahubwo uko ubyubaha ukabiha agaciro wabiheraho ugaragaza nawe ibyawe. Urugero niba umugabo ashaka kugura imodoka (kuko atamenyereye gutega bitewe n'aho avuka) wowe ukaba ubona hakenewe kugura ikibanza mukava mu bukode, ntabwo ibyawe ari byo biri byo kurenza ibye, ahubwo buri wese afite impamvu ze banza wumve ibye nawe ugaragaze ibyawe, mufatanye kureba ikiruta ikindi.
Benshi tujya twibwira ko inshingano z'umugabo ari ukwita ku mugore ndetse n'umugore bikaba uko. Aha hashobora kuzamo kwishuka kuko utagaragaje uruhare rwawe, ibyifuzo byawe n'amarangamutima yawe byaba biri gupfa. Niba ufite icyo ushaka kuri mugenzi wawe, wikigira nk'aho ari itegeko cyangwa inshingano ahubwo ni icyifuzo, igitekerezo. Aha hazaba urufunguzo rwo kukiganiraho no kugifataho umwanzuro. Niba ukumbuye ko mutemberana wimubwira ngo kandi uyu munsi uransohokana ahubwo mubwire uti cya gihe dutemberera hahandi ndibuka ibi n'ibi nahabonye we ubwe azahita agufasha gushaka umunsi mwatembereraho kuruta guhita umubwira uti kandi uyu munsi uransohokana.
Bamwe usanga (cyane cyane abashakanye) iyo mugenzi wabo ari kubabwira bamutega amatwi byo gushaka aho bari bumujambuze kugirango bamwereke ko ibyo avuze nta gaciro n'ishingiro bifite. Nyamara siko byakagenze kuko icyo mugenzi wawe ari kuvuga, dore ko mwamaze kuba umwe, uba ukwiye kucyumva ndetse niba utanacyemera cyangwa ugifatamo ikinyoma, wowe ukagerageza kumwumva neza ukuri ukakuvanamo. Nyuma yo kumwumva neza kandi umwereka ko uri kwizera ibyo akubwiye, aho wagize amakenga ushobora gusobanuza kandi ndakwizezako azagusobanurira neza kuruta kumujambuza cyangwa guhita umuhakanya ataranarangiza interuro kuko byo iyo bitabyaye amakofe n'imigeri bibyara intonganya.
Si ibi byonyine gusa ibi ubigerageje umunsi ku wundi byakongera ubusabane, ubwumvane, urukundo n'ibyishimo mu rugo rwanyu kandi bikabafasha muri byinshi byo mu buzima bwa buri munsi.
Kenshi iyo bibaye usanga buri umwe ategereza ko undi afata iya mbere mu gucyemura cya kibazo nyamara hari inama uramutse ukurikije zafasha mwembi kuba mwazahura ubusabane bwanyu bukongera kugenda neza.
1. Garagaza kubaha mugenzi wawe
Akenshi kubana bisaba ko wubaha mugenzi wawe, ukubaha ibyifuzo n'ibitekerezo bye. Niba mutari kumvikana ku kintu runaka, umuti si ukwivumbura cyangwa kumwereka ko ibye nta gaciro bifite. Mutege amatwi, kandi umubwire uko ubyumva bitarimo guhangana cyangwa gusuzugurana.
2. Shaka uko wahosha amakimbirane
Niba ingingo ya mbere yanze, amakimbirane akavuka ni byiza gufata iya mbere mu gukemura ya makimbirane mwagiranye mutarindiriye kwitabaza ubundi bufasha buturutse hanze (abayobozi, imiryango cyangwa inshuti).
Nta zibana zidakomanya amahembe niko umugani uvuga ariko nanone gukomanya amahembe ntibivuze kuyakurana. Shaka icyakongera kugarura ubumwe hagati yanyu. Niba ubona ko ari wowe amakosa yakomotseho, ca bugufi usabe imbabazi. Niba ari wowe wakosherejwe, garagaza kubabarira kandi ubikuye ku mutima. Ahari urukundo nta kosa ritababarirwa kandi inseko nziza izira imbereka, gusangira icyo kunywa cyangwa kurya mukunda, guhoberana, gutembera ni bumwe mu buryo bwo gukomeza umubano wari wajemo agatotsi no kugaragaza ko imbabazi zitavuye ku munwa ahubwo zavuye ku mutima.
Abagore bamwe ngo iyo abagabo babo bakosheje babahimisha kudahindukira (wasanga hari n'abagabo babikora). Iki niba wajyaga ugikora ushatse wagicikaho burundu kuko icyumba cy'abashakanye ni icyo kunezererwamo si gereza kandi si n'urukiko aho umwe ashinja undi yishinjura. Niba mwarakaranyije, mbere yo kujya mu cyumba mubanze muganire mucoce ikibazo mwinjire mu buriri mwera ku mutima. Ibi bizongera ubusabane kandi bizatuma ijoro rigenda neza n'inshingano z'abashakanye zubahirizwe neza.
3. Ibuka ko byose atari ko bigenda uko ushaka
Kubana n'umuntu bisaba kwigengesera, kumumenya no kumwakira uko ari kuko ntiwabona uwo muhuza byose niyo mwaba muri impanga.
Imenyereze kumwakira no kumenya aho acika intege, ibyo mudahuza wimenyereze kubyakira kandi aho mutumvikana habemo guharirana. Niba ikibazo kitumvikanyweho si ngombwa kukireka uko ahubwo umwe muri mwe ashobora kwemerera undi bikaba uko abishaka. Ibi bituma hatabaho intonganya n'amahane.
4. Ibitekerezo bye bihe agaciro nk'uko wagaha ibyawe
Iki kiragoye gusa kirashoboka. Ntiduhuza imyumvire bitewe na byinshi. Amateka, uko uteye, aho uvuka, amashuri wize, ni bimwe mu bituma nshobora kumva ikintu uko utacyumva. Kuba utumva ibintu kimwe n'undi ntibikwiye kwica umubano wanyu ahubwo uko ubyubaha ukabiha agaciro wabiheraho ugaragaza nawe ibyawe. Urugero niba umugabo ashaka kugura imodoka (kuko atamenyereye gutega bitewe n'aho avuka) wowe ukaba ubona hakenewe kugura ikibanza mukava mu bukode, ntabwo ibyawe ari byo biri byo kurenza ibye, ahubwo buri wese afite impamvu ze banza wumve ibye nawe ugaragaze ibyawe, mufatanye kureba ikiruta ikindi.
5. Banza wiyiteho ubone gusaba kwitabwaho
Benshi tujya twibwira ko inshingano z'umugabo ari ukwita ku mugore ndetse n'umugore bikaba uko. Aha hashobora kuzamo kwishuka kuko utagaragaje uruhare rwawe, ibyifuzo byawe n'amarangamutima yawe byaba biri gupfa. Niba ufite icyo ushaka kuri mugenzi wawe, wikigira nk'aho ari itegeko cyangwa inshingano ahubwo ni icyifuzo, igitekerezo. Aha hazaba urufunguzo rwo kukiganiraho no kugifataho umwanzuro. Niba ukumbuye ko mutemberana wimubwira ngo kandi uyu munsi uransohokana ahubwo mubwire uti cya gihe dutemberera hahandi ndibuka ibi n'ibi nahabonye we ubwe azahita agufasha gushaka umunsi mwatembereraho kuruta guhita umubwira uti kandi uyu munsi uransohokana.
6. Mutege amatwi bitari ibyo kwirwanaho
Bamwe usanga (cyane cyane abashakanye) iyo mugenzi wabo ari kubabwira bamutega amatwi byo gushaka aho bari bumujambuze kugirango bamwereke ko ibyo avuze nta gaciro n'ishingiro bifite. Nyamara siko byakagenze kuko icyo mugenzi wawe ari kuvuga, dore ko mwamaze kuba umwe, uba ukwiye kucyumva ndetse niba utanacyemera cyangwa ugifatamo ikinyoma, wowe ukagerageza kumwumva neza ukuri ukakuvanamo. Nyuma yo kumwumva neza kandi umwereka ko uri kwizera ibyo akubwiye, aho wagize amakenga ushobora gusobanuza kandi ndakwizezako azagusobanurira neza kuruta kumujambuza cyangwa guhita umuhakanya ataranarangiza interuro kuko byo iyo bitabyaye amakofe n'imigeri bibyara intonganya.
Si ibi byonyine gusa ibi ubigerageje umunsi ku wundi byakongera ubusabane, ubwumvane, urukundo n'ibyishimo mu rugo rwanyu kandi bikabafasha muri byinshi byo mu buzima bwa buri munsi.
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