Ukurikije uko ingo zisenyuka zigenda ziyongera, ntiwabura kuvuga ko hari igihe kizagera ukajya usanga kimwe cya kabiri cy’ingo zubatswe zaramaze kwaka gatanya.
Ibi biteye ubwoba kandi birababaje dore ko mbere yo kubana habanza gukundana ndetse tukabigaragarisha kumanika akaboko tukivugira ko tuzatandukanywa n’urupfu.
Nubwo tutaveba abamaze kwinjira muri gatanya, tukaba tutaseka abamaze gufata umwanzuro wo gutandukana ariko ntibyatubuza kuvuga ko gutandukana n’uwo mwashakanye ari igihombo cya mbere mu buzima, kandi burya abana ahanini ni bo babihomberamo.
Muri iyi nkuru dushaka kuvuga ibyo wagakwiye gukora mu kwirinda gatanya. Birareba bombi umugabo n’umugore.
Ikintu cyose umuntu akora kibanza kuza mu bitekerezo. Niba utangiye muri wowe kwiyumvamo ko uwo mugabo/mugore wawe mutagishobokanye, utakimwiyumvamo, biragana mu nzira zo gutandukana. Niba udashaka gatanya, winayitekerezaho. Wibona ikosa ryose agukoreye nk’inzira yo kugufasha gutandukana na we
Ntakubeshye ntabwo uwo mwashakanye azakomeza kuba wawundi uko mwateretanaga ameze. Ariko ibuka ko mwashakanye. Hari umuhanga wavuze ko mu myaka 5 ya mbere abashakanye baba ahanini bazirikirwa hamwe n’urukundo n’irari, naho mu myaka ikurikiraho bakazirikirwa hamwe n’urubyaro. Mu bihe byose, kubaha no kubahisha uwo mwashakanye ni imwe mu nzira nziza zo kubarinda gatanya. Kumushimira ibyo akora, yagezeho, kumutera umwetemu byo akora, ni ingenzi
Igihe cyose habuze ubusabane mu bashakanye, bituma buri wese amarangamutima ye apfukiranwa. Ariko kuganira kuri byose, kubwirana ibibazo mwahuye na byo aho mwiriwe cyangwa mwari muri, ni ingenzi. Kuganira ku mishinga y’ibyo muteganya gukora ahazaza, ni byiza. Gusa kubera imibereho, mushobora kuba mudahuza amasaha yo kuba mu rugo, ariko ubu iterambere ryarabyoroheje. Umwanya umara wandikirana n’abandi, kuki we utamwandikira? Uwo umara uhamagara abandi, we umuhamagaye waba iki?
Imikoreshereze y’umutungo iri mu bintu biza ku isonga mu bitera gatanya. Gusesagura, kuyahonga abandi, kuyakoresha uko ubyumva mutabyumvikanyeho, ni ikibazo gikomeye. Muganire ku mikoreshereze y’amafaranga, kuzigama, kuyabyaza umusaruro, kubaka, guhinga se cyangwa korora, gucuruza, amashuri y’abana ajyanye n’ubushobozi bwanyu…
Ubuzima buragoye ariko ibuka ko kuba warahisemo kubana na we, bisaba ko mu byo ukora byose ari we nyambere. Waba ukora akazi ka kure, kakuvuna se, kakugoye, menya ko mu gihe uwo mwashakanye atakubona uko bikwiye ari bibi. Aha haniyongeraho imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ni wo murunga wa mbere ubahuza, kandi igihe cyose mu buriri bitameze neza, bidahari se, ntuzizere ko urugo ruzakomera dore ko abanyarwanda bayamaze bakabyita kubaka urugo.
Rero mu byo ukora byose, aho uri hose, zirikana uwawe
Kimwe mu bitera gatanya harimo gucana inyuma. Uko gucana inyuma biterwa na byinshi ku mpande zombi, ariko nanone kimwe muri byo harimo kutiyitaho k’umwe mu bashakanye. Umubyibuho ukabije, isuku nkeya, ni bimwe mu bishobora gutuma uwo mwashakanye atongera kukwishimira. Niba mugabo ugitereta wariyogosheshaga buri cyumweru, ubu ukaba n’insya uzogosha ziri hafi kuzamo inda, urumva uri mu biki? Naho se wowe mugora niba usigaye wambara ibiyorero, ibisuko ubikuraho hashize imyaka byatangiye gusa n’ivu, niba se woza amenyo ari uko ugiye mu misa, urumva koko utari kwiyirukanira umugabo? Isuku, siporo yo kongera gukomera no kuringaniza ibiro, ni bimwe mu bizafasha mwembi kwiyitaho
Hari imvugo ngo iyo wamaze kuroba ifi ntukomeza kuyiha iminyorogoto ariko ibuka ko ifi iyo wamaze kuyiroba uyirya ibyayo bikaba birarangiye. Naho uyirobye ngo ujye kuyorora, utayihaye ya minyorogoto yapfa. Umugore/umugabo nawe rero umukura mu bandi ngo mubane ubuzima busigaye. Ibyo wakoraga ngo umwereke ko umurutira abandi, nubu komeza ubikore. Yego wenda kubera musigaye mubana mu nzu imwe umunsi ku wundi ntiwabikora byose ariko impano imutunguye, kumusohokana niyo haba kuri butike muri karitsiye mukicara ku icyesi mugasangira agacupa, gutemberana muganira, ni bimwe mu bibakomereza urukundo
Nta bwo uwo mwashakanye ari malayika. Rimwe azakosa, ndetse ashobora no gukora ikosa rikomeye (kuguca inyuma, kwangiza umutungo…) ese wibuka ko nawe byakubaho? Ese mbere yo gutekereza kumuhunga cyangwa gutandukana na we uracyeka undi muzabana we azaba ari miseke igoroye? Babarira ariko ntibikubuze kwerekana ko wababajwe n’ikosa wakorewe. Ni umwe mu mirunga y’urugo
Wari uri he, wari kumwe na nde, mwakoraga ibiki, izi saha uri he ko utarataha, n’ibindi bibazo, ni bimwe mu bishobora gutuma uwo mwashakanye abona ko utamwizera akaba n’ibyo atakoraga yabikorera icyo. Yego nanone ntibivuze ngo uterere iyo, ngo niba asanzwe ataha saa moya akaba agejeje saa tanu atarataha atanakumenyesheje ngo ubure kuba wamubaza niba ari amahoro. Ariko menya uko uvuga, igihe uvugira n’uburyo uvugamo. Amahoro ashaka, ushaka, mufatanye kuyatanga
Hari igihe ibi tuvuze byose ndetse n’ibindi uzabikora ariko ukabona n’ubundi uwo mubana ari kurushaho kwitwara nabi. Mbere yo kwirukira mu rukiko gusaba gatanya banza mu babyeyi n’imiryango, witabaze inshuti, abajyanama, babafashe gucyemura amakimbirane mwaba mufitanye, ahari azahinduka yongere abe wawundi. Ariko nibiba ibya ka kabaye icwende katoga, uzafata umwanzuro ukwiriye. Gusa nasoza mvuga ngo GATANYA SIWO MWANZURO WA MBERE.
Ibi biteye ubwoba kandi birababaje dore ko mbere yo kubana habanza gukundana ndetse tukabigaragarisha kumanika akaboko tukivugira ko tuzatandukanywa n’urupfu.
Nubwo tutaveba abamaze kwinjira muri gatanya, tukaba tutaseka abamaze gufata umwanzuro wo gutandukana ariko ntibyatubuza kuvuga ko gutandukana n’uwo mwashakanye ari igihombo cya mbere mu buzima, kandi burya abana ahanini ni bo babihomberamo.
Muri iyi nkuru dushaka kuvuga ibyo wagakwiye gukora mu kwirinda gatanya. Birareba bombi umugabo n’umugore.
Ikure gatanya mu bitekerezo
Ikintu cyose umuntu akora kibanza kuza mu bitekerezo. Niba utangiye muri wowe kwiyumvamo ko uwo mugabo/mugore wawe mutagishobokanye, utakimwiyumvamo, biragana mu nzira zo gutandukana. Niba udashaka gatanya, winayitekerezaho. Wibona ikosa ryose agukoreye nk’inzira yo kugufasha gutandukana na we
Ubaha unubahishe uwo mwashakanye
Ntakubeshye ntabwo uwo mwashakanye azakomeza kuba wawundi uko mwateretanaga ameze. Ariko ibuka ko mwashakanye. Hari umuhanga wavuze ko mu myaka 5 ya mbere abashakanye baba ahanini bazirikirwa hamwe n’urukundo n’irari, naho mu myaka ikurikiraho bakazirikirwa hamwe n’urubyaro. Mu bihe byose, kubaha no kubahisha uwo mwashakanye ni imwe mu nzira nziza zo kubarinda gatanya. Kumushimira ibyo akora, yagezeho, kumutera umwetemu byo akora, ni ingenzi
Muganire ku buryo buhoraho
Igihe cyose habuze ubusabane mu bashakanye, bituma buri wese amarangamutima ye apfukiranwa. Ariko kuganira kuri byose, kubwirana ibibazo mwahuye na byo aho mwiriwe cyangwa mwari muri, ni ingenzi. Kuganira ku mishinga y’ibyo muteganya gukora ahazaza, ni byiza. Gusa kubera imibereho, mushobora kuba mudahuza amasaha yo kuba mu rugo, ariko ubu iterambere ryarabyoroheje. Umwanya umara wandikirana n’abandi, kuki we utamwandikira? Uwo umara uhamagara abandi, we umuhamagaye waba iki?
Kuganira iby’umutungo
Imikoreshereze y’umutungo iri mu bintu biza ku isonga mu bitera gatanya. Gusesagura, kuyahonga abandi, kuyakoresha uko ubyumva mutabyumvikanyeho, ni ikibazo gikomeye. Muganire ku mikoreshereze y’amafaranga, kuzigama, kuyabyaza umusaruro, kubaka, guhinga se cyangwa korora, gucuruza, amashuri y’abana ajyanye n’ubushobozi bwanyu…
Genera umwanya uwo mwashakanye
Ubuzima buragoye ariko ibuka ko kuba warahisemo kubana na we, bisaba ko mu byo ukora byose ari we nyambere. Waba ukora akazi ka kure, kakuvuna se, kakugoye, menya ko mu gihe uwo mwashakanye atakubona uko bikwiye ari bibi. Aha haniyongeraho imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ni wo murunga wa mbere ubahuza, kandi igihe cyose mu buriri bitameze neza, bidahari se, ntuzizere ko urugo ruzakomera dore ko abanyarwanda bayamaze bakabyita kubaka urugo.
Rero mu byo ukora byose, aho uri hose, zirikana uwawe
Iyiteho
Kimwe mu bitera gatanya harimo gucana inyuma. Uko gucana inyuma biterwa na byinshi ku mpande zombi, ariko nanone kimwe muri byo harimo kutiyitaho k’umwe mu bashakanye. Umubyibuho ukabije, isuku nkeya, ni bimwe mu bishobora gutuma uwo mwashakanye atongera kukwishimira. Niba mugabo ugitereta wariyogosheshaga buri cyumweru, ubu ukaba n’insya uzogosha ziri hafi kuzamo inda, urumva uri mu biki? Naho se wowe mugora niba usigaye wambara ibiyorero, ibisuko ubikuraho hashize imyaka byatangiye gusa n’ivu, niba se woza amenyo ari uko ugiye mu misa, urumva koko utari kwiyirukanira umugabo? Isuku, siporo yo kongera gukomera no kuringaniza ibiro, ni bimwe mu bizafasha mwembi kwiyitaho
Komeza urukundo
Hari imvugo ngo iyo wamaze kuroba ifi ntukomeza kuyiha iminyorogoto ariko ibuka ko ifi iyo wamaze kuyiroba uyirya ibyayo bikaba birarangiye. Naho uyirobye ngo ujye kuyorora, utayihaye ya minyorogoto yapfa. Umugore/umugabo nawe rero umukura mu bandi ngo mubane ubuzima busigaye. Ibyo wakoraga ngo umwereke ko umurutira abandi, nubu komeza ubikore. Yego wenda kubera musigaye mubana mu nzu imwe umunsi ku wundi ntiwabikora byose ariko impano imutunguye, kumusohokana niyo haba kuri butike muri karitsiye mukicara ku icyesi mugasangira agacupa, gutemberana muganira, ni bimwe mu bibakomereza urukundo
Iga kubabarira vuba
Nta bwo uwo mwashakanye ari malayika. Rimwe azakosa, ndetse ashobora no gukora ikosa rikomeye (kuguca inyuma, kwangiza umutungo…) ese wibuka ko nawe byakubaho? Ese mbere yo gutekereza kumuhunga cyangwa gutandukana na we uracyeka undi muzabana we azaba ari miseke igoroye? Babarira ariko ntibikubuze kwerekana ko wababajwe n’ikosa wakorewe. Ni umwe mu mirunga y’urugo
Wimuhoza ku nkeke
Wari uri he, wari kumwe na nde, mwakoraga ibiki, izi saha uri he ko utarataha, n’ibindi bibazo, ni bimwe mu bishobora gutuma uwo mwashakanye abona ko utamwizera akaba n’ibyo atakoraga yabikorera icyo. Yego nanone ntibivuze ngo uterere iyo, ngo niba asanzwe ataha saa moya akaba agejeje saa tanu atarataha atanakumenyesheje ngo ubure kuba wamubaza niba ari amahoro. Ariko menya uko uvuga, igihe uvugira n’uburyo uvugamo. Amahoro ashaka, ushaka, mufatanye kuyatanga
Shaka ubufasha ritararenga
Hari igihe ibi tuvuze byose ndetse n’ibindi uzabikora ariko ukabona n’ubundi uwo mubana ari kurushaho kwitwara nabi. Mbere yo kwirukira mu rukiko gusaba gatanya banza mu babyeyi n’imiryango, witabaze inshuti, abajyanama, babafashe gucyemura amakimbirane mwaba mufitanye, ahari azahinduka yongere abe wawundi. Ariko nibiba ibya ka kabaye icwende katoga, uzafata umwanzuro ukwiriye. Gusa nasoza mvuga ngo GATANYA SIWO MWANZURO WA MBERE.
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